The point of no return

What is the point of no return?

The point is? Keep going.

There, now you've passed the point of no return

That's the point.

Dark nights

Gather round the fire,

Look not into the shadows.

Listen to the words

That distract you from the dark.

Here's a tale spun,

A tall and lofty yarn,

Or wisdom disguised

In stories and rhymes

Huddle with your clan

Faces lit with leaping flame

All agog and rapt

Beneath the starry sky

The elders are spinning

Bringing magic into being

With words and gestures

Songs, sagas, verse and rhyme

The darkness comes early

The day ends fast

We work in the light

And rest when sun is down

This is the time

The time when we learn

The time we remember

And the time when we dream

Listen to the words

That rise to the sky in sparks

As they fall from the lips

Of tale tellers all

As we gather round the fire

Faces warm but we shiver

As we hear the stories

That have been passed

From long ago

Radio Joy

Dashboard, dashboard, the dormerportal dashboard .... is walnut. Pretty, pretty, pretty ... and the dormerportal radio self tunes to the song playing in your subconscious. You know that tune that's been teasing you all day in the back of your mind, and whenever you are mercifully spared from mind babble it surges upwards? Well the dormerportal picks that tune up and plays the closing bars of it before launching into the song you didn't even know was going to play on your mind tomorrow. EEEK but fun. So if you like to tease your eardrums and tantalise your sanity come aboard the dormerportal and let the loving licks of your frontal lobes loose on your equilibrium. La, la, la, la la la ,laaaaa, la la la, la la la la. What could it be? And how humiliating if your friends who have popped into the dormerportal with you discover that the very best your inner platter spinner can come up with is something supremely uncool. What's the last thing you would want to be playing on the dormerportal radio right now? The Birdie Song? Carmina Burana? I Just Called to say I Love You? post your all time least wanted embarrassing brain clinging ditty in the comments section.

And all of a sudden the shopkeeper appeared

Hop on through the dormerportal kids, there's a new shop there just for you. It's full of lovely things for everyone - whatever you might need you will find there and if it isn't in stock then your obliging shopkeeper will endeavour to obtain it with the greatest expediency. It is an esoteric emporium of delights my dears, such wonders you have never seen. Charms, spells, amulets and potions jostle for space with grimoires, gewgaws and goeties. Here is where you might find that thing you have been searching for all these years but knew not whether it truly existed in this reality. That is the beauty of alternate reality retail therapy, things might exist there that you could only previously imagine. Raid your piggy bank, clear out your building society account, steal the housekeeping and use up the child benefit - here is the garden of unearthly delights, here are the truly needful things, here is where I entice you in and empty your pockets leaving you with only your return dormerportal ticket.

Utensils

I was recently asked "What is a spatula?"

In case anyone else was wondering the same thing I have the answer for you:-

It's an unmarried spoon.

I have several spatulas in the psychaedelic van but sadly they are all incompatible, so if anyone else has several single and lonely items of kitchen ware then perhaps we could arrange a spoon speed dating service on the other side of the dormerportal. Let me know.

Happy Hat

This is the turquoise hat of truth I am wearing . Although, a tramp once said to me, as I walked past him without giving him any money, "Is that your happy hat?" to which I responded in the affirmative even though I hadn't been aware of the fact previously. Clearly, said tramp was indeed a wise and sagelike seer if he was generous enough to bestow names upon random headgear in this manner without so much as asking me for the wherewithal to buy a cup of tea/tin of cat food/bed for the night/wrap of heroin. Mind you, it's not the first time I have received insight from unfortunates, I was once told by another such down and out that the fact I had middle toes longer than my big toe indicated that I was psychic. I have yet to receive proof of that but I'm keeping my third eye peeled. Speaking of which, I have a question: if we see things clairvoyantly with our third eye does that mean we would hear things clairaudiently with our third ear? Answers on a postcard please.

Goblin Teasmade

I had a goblin teasmade
It used to hiss and spit
But when I got my cup of tea
That was the coolest bit

I have a flabby tabby
Who likes to purr and scratch
She loves her ears tickling
We are a perfect match

I have a lot of cushions
Fluffy, furry and silk too
I like to pile them up
Then jump on them, don't you?

I like to have a giggle
I like to laugh a lot
And if some folks don't like it
Well I don't care one jot

Some people think I'm weird
Some people think I'm odd
I reckon I'm eccentric
Not just a silly sod

I reckon life's for living
For being brave and mad
Although it may cause battle scars
I know I won't be sad

Full Moon

I see the moon and the moon sees me
I love the moon and the moon loves me

Fly me to the moon and let me jupiter and mars
I want to see what cheese is like amidst the flaming stars
In other words please do chew
In other words parlez-vous

I can sing a dormerportal, can you lick a rainbow?

Fairy Picnic

Grab yer butties kids, there's a fairy picnic on the other side of the dormer portal right now!

Don't eat or drink anything the fairies offer you though, cos if you do then you might be stuck in fairy land forever - but who am I to interfere with free will. Do what you want, I say - I did warn you though. Oh and by the way, if you are invited to dance and you accept then you might find that you have just given your consent to be married to a fairy prince or princess. And another thing, it's always sunny in fairy land, it does rain there sometimes but the sun shines then too, so there are rainbows for you to slide down.

Now, jump in the van and let's picnic like we've never picnicked before. Watch your wicker basket on my upholstery though, it's real moquette.

No, you don't need any money, everything's free in fairy land too. Well, I say free - I mean you still have to pay for things, but not necessarily with money. You'll see soon enough.